Archive for June, 2009
I finished Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five today. Finally! I’ve been working on finishing this one for at least a month. It got to the point where I realized there was not going to be the typical buildup>climax>anticlimax. It was just going to drone on in front of my eyes for another 100 pages. I can’t just stop in the middle of a book though. I have a need to keep pushing through to the other side, no matter how painful or drudgerous. (is that a word?) So, I did make it to the end of the book, and it never got any more interesting than white toast with no butter. I began to resent the book itself, because I have so many others that I want to read, but couldn’t start until I finished this one. Then I felt bad for resenting a book. I really should have felt resentment towards Kurt for wasting my time. Hopefully, the next Vonnegut book I read will be better. I hear Mother Night is pretty good.
It’s been the kind of day where all you can think about is how you can’t wait to take the next step. Once I decide I want to do something, I have to keep my focus on it, and I can’t take my mind off whatever it is. Right now, all I can think about is how excited I am, and how sure I am that my plans are really going to happen. 3 years ago, I quit attending classes in pursuit of my first Bachelor’s Degree. 3 years ago, I was a newlywed, and wanted to not be so stressed in my marriage which required a lot of attention. 3 years ago I still wasn’t 100% sure what I wanted to do with my life. Today, I am certain. I’ve had enough time to think it over, and see that what is really important isn’t how much money I can make or how prestigious a job is. The things that really qualify as important are self-worth, confidence, satisfaction at the end of the day, exertion, meaningfulness, and all the usual things that constitute “pursuit of happiness”.
I’m so grateful that enough time (3yrs to be exact) has passed to get me to where I want to be. The journey to get to this place has been a frustrating and really up-and-down one, but I’m here. And I’m so ready to really start my life!
. . . i consider myself a smart gal, and a quick learner, but this blog designing shit is tough work. i have never done anything more frustrating than try to figure out what all these damn acronyms mean (like FTP, API, php, and WTF!), comprehend the difference btwn a widget (whoever came up with that word is a moron) and a plugin, and understand that when something says ‘do this’ then ‘do that’ and it’s supposed work it is all bullshit.
so, that’s how this is all starting off – frustrating. not that i’m suprised cause pretty much everything frustrates me.
oh, and as i look down at the page and see how many other boxes there are to fill out and I have no idea what any of them are for or do or if they’re important, i just felt my blood pressure rise a teensy bit more.